Monday, December 8, 2008

Trimming the Vine

I can't make myself stop thinking about this. I can't force my heart to heal any faster. I can't tell myself I'm not allowed to be upset. I can't make the stomachache go away. I just have to ride it out. I have to trust that God is here beside me at each moment trimming away the deceased leaves from my vine so that eventually I'll be able to produce more fruit than ever before. But the trimming is incredibly painful. Even though She is careful with each leaf and each trim it still hurts and I still have to pray for peace and forgiveness and the ability to "let go and let God" over and over with each wave of pain. I still cry out in agony and reach out my hands in hope that She'll reach back in comfort. And although I know She is busy trimming my vine, I can feel Her empathetic eyes on me sending me comfort and reminding me that it will all be over soon and I'll be able to flourish once again.

I will be able to flourish again, but this time I'll be more beautiful than ever before because I'm letting God do the trimming. It's just going to take longer than I anticipated.... And I'm okay with that. I can continue breathing deeply through the pain because I trust this gardener with my whole body, heart, mind and soul. I know that She handles me with the utmost care and compassion. She's wanted to for so long, but I let everyone else handle me instead of her because they were faster or more convincing with their promises. And I'm left with a very battered vine; healthy fruit shorn and rotting on the ground around me. But eventually it will fertilize me and help me to grow healthy and strong... as long as I continue to let God do the gardening.

*This whole metaphor of trimming the vine was inspired by A Gentle Thunder by Max Lucado.


nichole.swafford said...

Angela, you are amazing, and this is amazing.

Angela Isola Maria said...

Thank Shi. I miss you.

nichole.swafford said...

I miss you too! I came back to this to read again... and much like I thought, it's still incredible. This might replace Redefining Reverence as my favorite writing of yours. Please make this into a piece of art. I will buy it from you. You are amazing!