Tuesday, December 30, 2008


I FINALLY understand God. I FINALLY understand Jesus. I FINALLY GET IT!

Now, I'm not saying that I completely comprehend God or Jesus or the Trinity in general, but I feel like I finally understand the basics. I finally have an image in my head, a description in my mouth, and a truth in my heart. It's the answer to a prayer that I've had for a long time and one that I've prayed a lot about recently.

Jacob, my youngest brother, is an incredible person. His relationship with God is something that any Christian would long for. There is total love and trust and guidance and service there. But he's still young. And sometimes its hard for him to really converse with people about Jesus without them ending up frustrated. I have had many conversation with him where I've ended up frustrated and teary-eyed. He just wasn't able to help me understand or develop a further understanding of the answers I seek.

Eric, my other younger brother, has a gift for story telling. He's always been able to explain things in perfect detail. Well, as I was driving him to Indianapolis for a conference after Christmas we started talking about God and Jesus and all sorts of things. I told him that I wasn't sure exactly how the whole Trinity thing worked out and that I felt caught up in the pronouns and language used in the Bible. With Jesus calling God "the Father" and the Bible saying that Jesus "sits at the right hand of the Father", that's what I pictured: two completely separate entities. Jesus appeared to be God's VP or something. So we talked about it and he explained to me how he saw it; how he understood the Trinity. And the Holy Spirit must have been speaking through him because it just clicked! I started crying because I have been praying and waiting to understand this mystery for sooo long. It's been the topic of some pretty intense and entirely frustrating conversations with numerous people, so to feel like I finally understand it is such a gift.

So this is how I understand the Trinity to be....

I picture this big ball of warm, glowing, dancing light that created the world we live in. When it got to the inevitable point where humanity needed someone to lead them back onto the right path, God (the big ball of light) decided to split into three smaller balls of glowing, dancing light. They all circle and dance around each other in perfect harmony because they ultimately are one entity. One could not exist without the other. Kind of like if my soul, my body and my voice were all separate from each other in a physical way (but could not function unless all three were together). So these three balls of light are the trinity: Jesus is the physical representation of God, the ultimate sacrifice, the gateway, the face. The Holy Spirit is the voice of God, the inspiration, the warmth, the guide. And the third ball of light (known as "God") is the parent, the provider, the creator, the protector, the soul. One cannot exist without the others. All three are God. They are inexplicably linked and connected and together they are GOD.

I just needed the picture to understand it. I never had the picture before. The only picture was of Jesus, the flame, and the heavens. It was too separated for me to ever link them together as ONE ENTITY. But I can see it now. I can feel it.

And I want to paint it. I want to write it. I want to sculpt it. I want to glass it. I want to explore every medium possible in order to more fully glorify it. I want to be surrounded by it!