Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Riding it out

Today hasn't been nearly as hard to handle as the past few days. I didn't get sick, I've only had a slight stomachache to deal with all day, I have only felt like crying once or twice, but I didn't actually have to let it out.

A lot of this calm stems from the awesome evening I had yesterday. I talked with Keith, my pastor, and it was a good talk. I always feel better after talking to him. The Holy Spirit works very well through him and I am constantly challenged to face my questions and issues in a much more open and insightful way than I can when talking to others. The Holy Spirit knows I need it short, sweet, and to the point and that's the way I get it! One of the really interesting topics we discussed was that I seem to have a lot more of an empathic ability than I wanted to realize. I've always known that I could read people really well, but in the past month especially, I could have written down what I truly thought CJ was going to do concerning our relationship and it would have all been correct. I had a feeling he would betray my heart. I had a suspicion it was with Arianna. I had a feeling that I was going to end up living with Laura the minute I met her. I had a feeling that although I kind of wanted the OJC job more, I was going to end up at Wolfram. As much as I've been a spiritual and intuitive person, I've also been very aware that I could be a very strong empath.... and that scares me. I told Keith last night that I'm afraid that letting myself fully realize this "gift" would open me up to a lot of not-so-good things. His exact words were these:

"Are any of those things bigger than God?"
"Well, no."
"Then why are you afraid?"

And I just stopped being afraid. That was all it took. Then I laughed out loud. It just seemed so simple. Why am I letting myself be blinded by fear? It's like I've been burying my head in the sand, but I'm still aware of the wind and sand hitting my body. I just refused to look because it felt like something bigger than I could handle. But God can handle it. And I'm ready to explore that gift. I'm ready to unbury my head and shake off the sand.

The last part of my evening was spent with Mags and Anne. We went to a Asian Star Buffet for dinner (yum) and then went back to their place where we watched AFV for 2 hours. WOW. I haven't laughed that hard in a REALLY long time. It was so wonderful. Anne's laugh made me and Mags laugh even harder. It was just what I needed. I was able to strengthen my stomach muscles and I think that's why I haven't gotten sick today! Laughter certainly IS food for the soul.

Riding this wave is getting easier. I'm actually starting to enjoy the ebb and flow.


verovero said...

i wish i were there to help you out!! :/
i remember when you were there for me those last months in ohio, being the friend i truly needed, and now i'm over here and you're over there and it just sucks because i know you're in pain.
i'm happy you have friends that make you laugh.
you're a beautiful soul, your laugh is contagious, and it's no surprise the people surrounding you are there through thick and thin, with arms wide open.
call me if you need to vent. or write. txt. you choose.