Thursday, February 26, 2009

Do you know you're worthy?

Here is part of a fantastic conversation I had tonight with a friend of mine. Names have been changed just in case. It might give you some food for thought....

9:49:22 PM L: Thanks. How are you?
9:49:45 PM ME: i'm freaking fantastic :)
10:04:19 PM L: Yep, but why do you say that?
10:04:37 PM ME: if you read my lastest note on fb you'll understand why
10:05:41 PM L: Lol care to explain though?
10:05:57 PM ME: i'm just totally in love with God right now
10:06:41 PM L: Great! What happened?
10:07:16 PM ME: i finished reading that book and it just really spoke to me and opened up my heart in so many ways
10:08:02 PM L: In what way?
10:09:39 PM ME: just how much God loves me and how there aren't any expectations or conditions in our relationship, so even though i'll screw up, She already did her part to pave the road to Her. Everything just seems so much more illuminated now
10:12:42 PM L: Hmm. . Are you online?
10:13:14 PM ME: yep
10:14:56 PM L: Well. God is love.
10:36:46 PM L: It's all about 1 John 4:7 and 8
10:38:22 PM ME: that's certainly it in beautifully simplified words
10:39:04 PM L: Do you know what is says?
10:39:15 PM ME: yep
10:40:04 PM L: and. . We can't fully love others if we don't love God. . Whatever we show him will pour out through our heart onto others. . The two greatest commandments is to Love God with all your heart, soul and mind and to love your neighbor as yourself.
10:40:46 PM L: Which we often feel that it's about loving others. . But, it's not.
10:41:28 PM ME: you can't fully love your neighbor if you don't fully love yourself. and how can you love god to your full extent if you don't love yourself, one whom She created in Her image?
10:42:23 PM L: You can try to portray and pour out what you feel love is. . By exhibiting those emotions to God . .
10:44:02 PM ME: try is the key word there. but if you don't love who you are enough to deem yourself worthy of a beautiful, intimate relationship with god, then you'll consistently keep him at a distance... and you won't be able to experience all the love She has to give
10:44:49 PM L: I think God meets us where we are at. . .
10:48:31 PM ME: well yeah, god is always with us wherever we are. but we have to do our part too. god's worth it. that's why it's so important to work through the things that keep us from loving ourselves. we are beautiful creations in her eyes and when we are blind to the fullness of that truth, we can't see the path laid down in front of us to travel closer to Her
10:50:42 PM L: By having low self worth it's almost a slap in the face to God, because ourselves were made in his image
10:51:06 PM ME: yep. that's exactly it.
10:51:38 PM ME: you're judging His creation by your socialized standards of merit and worth... which are tragically skewed.
10:52:44 PM L: Sometimes though, our problem with your worth has been implanted into us as a child. . and in adult hood It's not a judgment. . It depends on the person.
10:54:56 PM ME: i can understand where you're coming from, definitely. but as an adult, you're much more aware of the fact that it was a lie that was implanted. And yet we continue to judge ourselves by that criteria. True freedom comes in part by breaking ourselves of that.
10:55:50 PM L: I don't know. . I think sometimes it has been implanted so much, you can't see the lie. . You can see every reason why it's true.
10:56:29 PM ME: can you see the lies, L?

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

A Musing: My Ultimate Love Letter

We should never underestimate the uniqueness of God or our relationship with Her.  More so, we should acknowledge and rejoice in the fact that His love for us is deeper and more profound than we can even begin to comprehend.

My Love Letter.

In you, Lord, I find my best friend, my inspiration, my parent, my guardian, my lover most pure, my heart, my soul, my life, my love, my everything.  You are my ultimate goal, my destiny, my eternal salvation.

The struggle in truly finding you seems all the more beautiful now.  It makes our love more incredible than words could possibly describe.  And I cannot wait to be wholly united with you again.

Although it's accurate to say that everything in life pales in comparison to you, God, it's so much the opposite.  Your dwelling inside of me has magnified every color, every sound, every emotion, every moment.  The world is truly breathtaking because of you.

The Shack

Wow. I read this book in less than 24 hours and I may just have to read it over and over again. I cannot even begin to describe how special this book is. It is divinely inspired in word and truth. It has affirmed my own theories of God and the Trinity in more ways than I can even begin to comprehend! I am and will continue to be forever changed by this book.

The Shack

Monday, February 23, 2009

Musing: As a Woman

 I wrote this musing on Jan. 29, 2007.  It was prompted by this question: What privileges in society are you afforded that you take for granted?  What privileges are less available to you because of groups to which you belong?

As a woman, I am afforded the privilege of spending time and money on more makeup and clothing than I'll ever use just so that I can look pretty for a day.

As a woman, I am afforded the privilege of being extremely moody and emotional at any time as long as I blame it on PMS.

As a person with white skin, I am afforded the privilege of walking almost anywhere and not being looked at as a threat or out of place.

As a person with white skin, I am afforded the privilege of automatically being stereotyped as a good worker, never lazy and always on time.

As a Christian, I am afforded the privilege of not being persecuted in America for my religious beliefs.

As a woman of size, I am afforded the privilege of not being objectified by men on a constant basis.

As a woman, I am not afforded the privilege of ignoring fashion, beauty and health without my entire character, confidence and beauty being questioned.

As a woman, I am automatically viewed as weaker, more unstable and less intelligent than a man.

As a woman, I am not afforded the privilege of making as much money as a man no matter if we have the same qualifications and degrees.

As a woman, I am not afforded the privilege of getting angry or emotional without being considered a bitch or a cry baby.

As a woman, I am not afforded the privilege of becoming a priest.

As a woman, I am not afforded the privilege of working my way to the top of a company without people contemplating who I slept with in order to get there.

As a person with white skin, I am not afforded the privilege of embracing my culture, heritage and traditions without explaining which European countries it stems from; never is it okay to just be "white".

As a Catholic, my spirituality is questioned by other religions and Christian denominations because I pray to Saints and Mary, as well as God.

As a woman of size, I am not afforded the privilege of being viewed as sexual and sensual at first glance.

As a woman of size, I am not afforded the privilege to buy my clothes at brand name stores or stores that cost less (unless I want to wear "unfashionable" clothing.)

As a white woman of size, I am not afforded the privilege of being considered beautiful by my culture.

As a bisexual woman, I am not afforded the privilege of my sexual identity being something I was born with rather than a negative effect of being sexually abused as a child.

As a bisexual woman, I am not afforded the privilege of expressing my love for a man within the homosexual society without fear of rejection.

As a bisexual woman, I am not afforded the privilege of expressing my love for a woman within the heterosexual society without fear of rejection.

As a bisexual woman, I am not afforded the privilege of talking openly about my relationships within my workplace without fear of termination.

As a bisexual woman, I am not afforded the privilege of marrying a woman.

As a bisexual woman, I am not afforded the privilege of showing a woman affection in public without people looking on in disgust or lust.

As a bisexual, Catholic woman, I am not afforded the privilege of feeling comfortable and accepted for who I am in my church community.

As a liberal, I am not afforded the privilege of being opinionated without being condemned as a sinner who's out to ruin the minds of good, conservative children everywhere.

As a feminist, I am not afforded the privilege of having any values or morals for human life or respect for men.

But as Angela Isola Maria Potticary, I am afforded the privilege of knowing there is no one else out there that can be me better than I can be myself.  And I wouldn't trade that for all the privilege in the world.

This is over 2 years old.  It's amazing to see how much is the same and how much has changed.  I now work in a place where I can be open about my sexuality without fear of termination.  There is now a law in place that allows women to press charges against their employer if they find out that they are being paid less than men in their same position.  I am no longer a Catholic and I found a church where I am loved and affirmed for all aspects of who I am, sexuality included.  And if I decided I wanted to be a pastor in the Presbyterian church, I could.  I also don't have nearly as much fear about being bisexual because I live in a place where there are more than a few like-minded people.  This world is starting to change for the better :)

Saturday, February 14, 2009

Roomies are Cool

Well, at least mine is.  This weekend has been full of passing friends and visitors, most of them Laura's, and all of them interesting and fun to talk to.  We'll all sit down and have a drink and converse before going our separate ways and each time it's been so incredible.  

Lately I've found out just how sociable I can be.  I don't know if it's just Laura's friends or Laura or ME, but whatever it is, I find myself really coming out of my shell.  It's easy for me to just sit down and slide into a deep, intellectual conversation with them every single time.  It's not even this easy with my own friends sometimes.  I'm definitely more of an extrovert than I realized.  I definitely still like to stay in and do my own thing, but small groups and intimate conversations are becoming more and more regular with Laura and her friends.  We laugh, we get serious, we talk about triumphs and harsh realities.... 

It's really nice.  And I'm really enjoying the surprising ease of it all.  And I definitely count my blessings for having such an awesome roommate.

Thanks, Laura!