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Friday, December 5, 2008

New Beginnings

This week has been one of new beginnings. My family helped me move into my new apartment on Saturday and on Monday I started my new job as Project Coordinator for the Web Research and Development Department of Wolfram Research, Inc.

I'm amazed that I'm even at this point in my life. I moved to Champaign at the end of June with the person that I thought I was going to be with forever. We combined all our stuff, graduated to calling each other "partners", opened joint accounts, became members of a church and even got a dog together. Four months later, he didn't love me any more. I know its not my fault. I tried to make it work. I promised I wouldn't run away when things got tough and I kept my promise. But three months of an unsuccessful job search and one month of an expensive attempt at selling insurance put us in a rough spot financially. He said he grew to resent me and didn't even want to try to make it work.

Ouch. No, F*CKING OUCH.

And since I had established myself in Champaign and made friends and joined a church, I didn't want to leave. So I reached out for help within my McKinley and Amasong communities.... and they reached back.

So here I am, three weeks later, at the end of my first week at Wolfram, in the most incredible apartment in Champaign with a fantastic roommate, and most importantly, with a renewed faith in God and humanity. I stopped freaking out about the lack of control I had during this whole break-up and decided to trust God completely. I've always told people "Let go and let God." Hell, I even have it tattooed on my arm! But this whole experience was the first time I saw such incredible, tangible truth in those words. I unsuccessfully job searched for four months without God and within two weeks of job and apartment searching WITH God, my search was 150% successful.

Now, I don't claim to be a God-fanatic or super-Christian, and I certainly have my own stigmas and judgements pertaining to evangelical Christians, but I am undoubtedly, whole-heartedly a believer in God. And I feel a longing to be closer to Her and to live my life as a testament to Her now more than ever. Amongst all these other new beginnings, I am also beginning a journey towards becoming a spiritual progressive radical believer and lover of God.... and I couldn't be more ready.

2 comments:

Mimsy said...

Angel Baby,
I love you my sweet daughter and pray you continue to rise from the ashes in the beautiful phoenix colors you create with each step you take! You are my hero!
Love,
Mimsy

VerĂ³nica N. said...

*hug
you'll come out of this even stronger, regardless of the sucky, painful transition.
-veronica